An American in London

Hello out there in Moz Land! Or, shall I say, “ello!” Now that I’m in Worthing with the legendary Ammon Johns and Co. (take that, SEO Fangirl!), I thought I’d take advantage of the free Internet access and update you all on the first part of my trip. Here’s what I’ve been up to in the past five days:

Tuesday, October 31st

Happy Halloween! What better way to celebrate than to take a spooooooky overnight flight from Seattle to London? Ooooooooh. The flight went fairly well, even though I got little to no sleep. I did get to watch a baby at the front of the plane cry and scream for several hours, and I watched Mission: Impossible III, one of several movies offered in-flight, on a tiny screen with a blue burned out pixel (with Jason, my travelling companion [my Mystery Guest?] jokingly saying that the pixel would be the one thing that would ruin the movie Click).

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:

• Tripped while boarding the plane and was politely told by a flight attendant to “Mind my step.”
• Didn’t think that Left-Side Flight Attendant was talking to me when he was offering me my meal options, and therefore ignored him for several seconds before finally blurting out, “Are you talking to me?” (and no, it wasn’t De Niro-style. I wish.)
• Gawked stupidly at the same flight attendant when, after telling him I’d like some tea, he handed me an empty tray. He sighed and said, “Just place your tea cup onto the tray and I’ll get it for you.” Left-Side Flight Attendant thinks I’m an idiot.

Wednesday, November 1stOoh, London! After arriving, I familiarized myself with the London Underground. I liked it so much that I familiarized myself for 28 stops and one transfer! Actually, it was just a long ride from the airport.

By the way, this blog entry is officially work-related because of the following picture:

See? An ad for Yahoo! Answers in the subway train! Moving on…

I checked into my hotel, washed the travel stink off me, and left to meet Lisa Ditlefsen (Lisadit on the SEOmoz blog) for dinner. She told us to meet at Bond Street Station, unaware that there are actually five entrances to Bond Street Station. Jason and I crankily wandered around the station for forty-five minutes before we were able to get ahold of her. Once we found each other, we ate at a Turkish restaurant and had some drinks.

Fun facts about Lisa:

• She’s from Norway, but has lived in England for about 9 years
• She’s a big fan of SEOmoz (awwww yeah)
• She does all of the SEO for her marketing company
• She was fascinated with the gluttonous deliciousness of Jack in the Box restaurants when she visited the United States
• One of her favorite movies is Big Trouble in Little China (an admirable admission, I must admit)

Even though I had been up for about 30 hours, I had a great time unwinding and meeting Lisa. She’s very nice and has a great personality. Thanks again, Lisa!

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:

• I needed change for a pound so I could use the pay phone and call Lisa, so I asked a news vendor if he could make change. He looked at me strangely and was like, “What do you mean?” Still holding my hand out, I repeatedly asked him for change (how can Londoners not know what change is, for crying out loud?) until he finally said, “Change for what?” That’s when I looked down at my hand and saw that the pound had slipped into my mitten, so to him it looked like some crazy Yank was holding her hand out, begging for money. I’m an idiot.
• At the Turkish restaurant I asked the waiter where the bathroom was, and he gave me a confused look. I tried “rest room,” and he continued to stare at me until another waiter pointed me in the right direction. I can’t bring myself to ask where the “toilet” is–it just sounds too weird.

Thursday, November 2ndI took a bus tour of London, which was a good way to orient myself and get an idea of where everything is. We stopped at St. Paul’s Cathedral and oohed and ahhed over how impressive-looking it is. We also marveled at how windy and narrow the cathedral’s stairs are; in fact, at 6’4″, Travelling Companion had to be careful not to bash his head on several different occasions while in London. From St. Paul’s we went to the Tower of London, but we didn’t know it was closing less than an hour after we arrived. One of the warders gave us re-admission tickets for the next day so we could come back and explore the Tower some more at no extra charge. Hooray!

With London’s revered theatre scene, you’re probably wondering which show I absolutely had to see. Was it The Cantebury Tales? Chicago? (starring Ashlee Simpson, which the ad posters claimed was “America’s Sweetheart.” At this point I was starting to think that London didn’t know much about the U.S.) Caberet? Please. My tastes are clearly more refined than standard theatre fare, so I spent about $35 U.S. at Picadilly Circus for two tickets to see…Borat! Make fun all you want, but I know what my priorities are, and that day my priorities were to see cultural learnings of America for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan. And it was damn funny.

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:

• Tripped while running up the escalator out of a tube station and had a woman ask me in a very British accent, “Ah yew oh-KAY?”
• When I saw the Tower of London, I excitedly exclaimed, “Ooh, can we go there? Does it cost money?”, forgetting that I had already bought admission tickets an hour beforehand.
• Had a waiter laugh at me when I asked him, “Do you know where the restroom is? I mean, the looooooooooo?” (and yes, I put that many “ooooohs” in “loo”)
• Almost got hit by a car/double decker bus/cyclist no less than 6 times (this was throughout the trip, not in one day. And it’s also not because the traffic is backwards in London; I actually had a driver wave at me to cross but still refused to slow down. Drivers don’t seem to like pedestrians, and pedestrians seem to love to jaywalk right in front of oncoming traffic. It all combined to make for a terrifying on-foot experience.)

Friday, November 3rdIn the morning I changed hotel locations from Maida Vale (which was about a fifteen minute tube ride to central London) to County Hall, which is right next to the London Eye. I experienced the Tower of London 2: Electric Boogaloo, then took a short tour boat trip up the River Thames (which is a lovely shade of murky brown) and marvelled at the size and beauty of Westminster Abbey and Parliament. That evening I met Will Critchlow, Director of WandD, for drinks.

Fun facts about Will:

• He’s a big fan of SEOmoz (really now, who isn’t? Wait, don’t answer that or you’ll make me sad.)
• He loves scotch so much that he bought a cask of it and is waiting for it to age enough to make for a kickin’ good drink
• He can explain the rules of cricket to two semi-drunk Americans
• He wrote a paper on auction theory, which I don’t even want to try to comprehend. Math is scary.
• He firmly earned a spot in Rebecca’s Big Book of Generous Blokes for buying me and Jason three pints of beer each

We had a great time getting to know Will. Unlike Lisa, I didn’t know of him prior to meeting him, so I was relieved that he wasn’t creepy. Thanks again, Will!

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:I actually behaved myself today and did America proud. Wahoo!

Saturday, November 4th

I started off the day with Irish stew at Tipperary, an Irish pub. I also pondered over what on Earth “brown sauce” is.

I saw the Royal Courts of Justice, Twinings, the oldest tea shop in London, and spent a couple hours at the British Museum. The British Museum was awesome. You can take pictures of pretty much anything in there, and you can even touch some stuff, such as ginormous Egyptian sculptures that are thousands of years old. Plus, it’s free admission. Very cool, indeed.

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:

I didn’t really make an ass of myself so much as killed my feet. I spent the entire day walking around London. It probably equated to several miles. Good exercise, good way to see the city, not ideal walking shoes. Ouchers.

Sunday, November 5th

My last full day in London. Frowny face. For the record, the weather in London had been terrifically sunny throughout my trip. It made for great sightseeing. I started off my morning by getting a bird’s eye view of the city from the London Eye, then walked to Trafalgar Square and saw some Monets, Manets, and Van Goghs at the National Gallery. From there I took the tube to Victoria Station to buy my train ticket to Worthing for the following day, then walked to Buckingham Palace, through Hyde Park, and to Harrod’s, a huge and obscenely expensive department store.

How I made an ass of myself in a foreign country:

• Griped that I wasn’t that impressed with all of the religious paintings at the National Gallery because they all consist of a group of fat and pale people poking at Jesus
• Couldn’t believe that I was charged the equivalent of $7.00 U.S for a side of vegetables that largely consisted of lima beans. Does anyone like lima beans? I know London’s expensive, but I could get about seven boxes of Safeway Select brand lima beans at the store for the same price. Jeez.

Thus concludes my first five days in England. This morning, November 7th, I got up early and took the train to Worthing, which is where Fresh Egg is located. I have officially started my internship training and will devote a separate article to that experience. Until then, I’ll be busy learning Ammonisms (believe me, there are lots already, and they’re alternately funny, insightful, and practical) and trying not to freak out because I don’t have Rand as my safety net. Wish me luck!