10. Work for SEOmoz – Astute observers will notice that 5 of the Top 10 spots belong to SEOmoz staff. Coincidence? I think not. Some may say that this is because the staff works long hours to generously dole out their experience and insights, but those naïve fools are blind to the true conspiracy.
9. Stroke Rand’s Fragile Ego – With his pleasant demeanor and pathological love of transparency, community, and “helping”, you might not realize that Rand Fishkin is a devious megalomaniac. Make sure to thumb up all of his posts and compliment him on his yellow shoes, or he will destroy you.
8. Cheat, Lie, & Steal – I have it on good authority that one Top 10 Mozzer has committed heinous crimes against humanity in his lust for MozPoints, including a dark alliance with Lucifer. I won’t name names, but it rhymes with “pill stitch-blow.”
7. Point Out That Jane is Foreign – It apparently comes as a constant surprise to Jane and those around her that she hails from New Zealand. Make sure to point this fact out whenever you get the chance, making inappropriate references to “Kiwis,” “Mordor,” and “Crocodile Dundee.”
6. Laud the Wonders of Google – White-hat SEOs love hearing about why their favorite search engine is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and Matt Cutts and Vanessa Fox are always lurking about SEOmoz.
5. Expose the Horrors of Google – Black-hat SEOs love hearing about how Google is an evil conspiracy bent on cheating them out of their ill-gotten gains. Make frequent, wild, and unverifiable accusations.
4. Make Liberal Use of Cartoons – Many of us read blogs before our coffee has kicked in, and we can be easily distracted with funny drawings. Rebecca is the master of this technique, spending hours creating comics about SEM conferences to cover up the fact that she didn’t actually attend any sessions.
3. Make Gratuitous 80s References – This is probably the secret to my success. What others achieve with thoughtful commentary, I make up for by being born in 1970 and living all of my teens in the 80s. Thankfully, some Mozzers (*cough* Scott) often mistake pop culture knowledge for useful information.
2. Know Your Transformers – If you think Optimus Prime is a new credit card from American Express, your aspirations for Moz Mastery are probably doomed. Drop everything and learn the difference between an Autobot and a Decepticon. Be able to name at least 3 of each.
1. Be Intelligent and Insightful – It’s not my cup of tea, but the rest of the Top 10 Mozzers (not to mention many of the Top 10,000) owe their success to being knowledgeable people with a passion for SEO and SEM, and they unselfishly share that information with the community.
In all seriousness, I’d like to give a big group hug to the SEOmoz staff and community; you’ve all been great this past year, and I’ve learned more about SEM this past 12 months than I did in 8 years of working for an internet start-up. I’m looking forward to my second year of Mozzery and to finally meeting some of you in person at PubCon.
